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You think the waves of emotions will always be this way.

I mean its ok right! Some days the sun is out and other days not... but you've gotten used to the rip tides, dragging, and pulling at you. Now rather than swim against it, you lay back, float, and let yourself flow with whatever is happening.

And then the happy moments rush back into your mind, like when the ice of winter is starting to melt its way down the rivers of your memories. The waterfalls have started their monumental flooding, escaping back down the icy riverbeds that had been in a permanent state of winter for the last year.

The memories come thick and fast. The last 12 months of consistent hours in hard labour all done inside the room of your little pink heart. Stitching it up from the inside, using different gauge needles, running back to the corner shop to buy more thread that’s colour matched, you ran out during the week.

I mean, it was smashed into thousands of tiny pieces as he hit the home run. He did so well, he hit it all the way to the outfield. You were so proud of him.

He who you gave your love to. You made it too easy. You even gift wrapped it in a little red box, with a red and white polka dot ribbon. Gave it to him as a present in the first 6 months. But it was love and so graciously you gave your heart away as a gift.

But consistency on your part appears to be paying off. It's the first time you have felt this way about him. Well, in years.

The corners of your mouth rise with the memories that flood your mind. You're enjoying the conversations with the voices in your head about it now. Before you would fight, just like Friday night fight night at the boxing ring. Gloves on, taking the hits, falling, getting back up again for another round. You'd watch yourself, feel sorry for yourself, lick your wounds, limp around, use ice packs on your injuries from the boxing ring that night.

But now, in the bright flash of this moment, you hear your laughter and see your smile. You remember the good feelings that this man you once loved gave you, and you remember the reason why you fell so hard.

He had made you laugh once upon a time. He'd wrapped his arms around you like a castle wall of protection, so not one single person could ever get close enough to hurt you. Then there was the love. The suffocating, engulfing, can't live without love...

Never mind that it only lasted 6 months. That's what kept the relationship together for another 2 years when it had turned to poison.

That beautiful memory that you clung to from the time when you were happy. You were determined when you were in it, to get it back, at any cost.

And now here. 12 months after tearing off the layers of thick skin you built to protect the one and only person that really matters - YOU!

You are there. Here.

You finally have a happy memory in your darkest hour...

I believe in therapy this would be called a breakthrough.


A final note from Tara

Please if you have anything to share post in the Care to Share Box. If you are looking back over memories, and also looking forward to concluding your 2021, check out my Wrapping Up The Year offering!

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