Our first mistake when we think about Trauma is to isolate our personal experience, to not being a “big deal”… Trauma is anything that changes us, inside mentally, emotionally and then it slowly creeps to the outside, showing it’s self in our physical self as headache, or back pain for no reason at all.
Trauma can be created from anything we experience, and it moves on an ever-changing scale, depending on us as individuals. A car accident, a death of a loved one, mental or physical abuse. Whatever happens it’s not nothing. It’s your experience and it bears being acknowledged as part of your story. Because your story matters. It’s what creates, the you of today, and all the little scares we have inside and out are beautiful, they show a life that has been lived. Not an ugly wound, but the boundless beauty of what we as humans experience through the journey of what life has offered us.
Sometime life can seem, like we are in a balloon of time… Floating, drifting wherever the breeze takes us and then just when we are comfortable with this drifting sensation, the wind changes and takes us in a whole other direction.
We have all experienced times when everything that we think, know and believe starts to melt away, but instead of hitting the snooze button, on the alarm 3 times, maybe 4. We invite in change, and decide to get lost in the corridors of our mind. Tirelessly tearing every single door open we pass, searching the filing cabinets, reading through the journals and notes, ensuring there was nothing missed along the way… But no. There was nothing missed. This is how lesson’s form, from minute to year.
And we start the journey back into the great beyond, a single traveller trekking the mountains, in the sunset of the our minds, abseiling down the deep crevasses, of our hearts at dusk, & hiking through the long grass fields, of our memory, to the kiss of the morning sun. And so we get up every single day and walk, we walk until our feet hurt. We walk until we have to retire, because our legs must rest. And the very next day as the sun peeks over the horizon, we do it all again.
But there is ease to this. Knowing that we can feel our legs as they move, we can feel our feet as they throb with tiredness. We can feel. And feeling our own body is one of the most important things we have in this world. For without feeling, without a knowing we can feel, there is a lost sensation. Something that we can take for granted and easily forget, when we have it every single day.
This is something only those that have felt great pain, loss or trauma speak about from experience. As they recognize it as a normal feeling. To feel nothing in there physical body. A numbness. But what if you come back into contact with your feeling body? If you just spent 60 seconds, feeling the clothes you wear, brush against your skin. The surface you rest upon, cradling your figure, or the air you breath gently moving around your mouth and lips. All of a sudden you can feel the subtle things on offer at every second. And the depression of our past silently slips away, the anxieties of our future disintegrate and we are left with our present moment. The here and now…
"If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present"